O’s Commentary – May 2015

O. Morris - O's CommentaryFriends of unequal proportions

By O. Morris
O.Morris@RolesvilleBuzz.com
May 2015

Dear O,

When I first came to Wake Forest, I came with both joy and anxiety. You see, my husband was given a huge promotion, but taking the position meant we had to relocate here. Moving to a new city was hard because I’m from a very large family in San Diego and we’re very close. But my worries were soothed as soon as I met my new neighbor. She and I bonded and became best friends from the very first day we met over 15 years ago. What’s even more amazing is that we were both born on the exact same day!

For our 40th birthday, we decided we should buy each other gifts costing $300 or more. I happily bought her a pair of Chanel earrings for $350, but she bought me a fake Coach bag. I know the bag is fake because I took it to the Coach store after spilling a bit of nail polish on it. I wanted to remove the stain without hurting the bag and was hoping the store could help. The sales lady excused herself with my bag and called in another sales person. They both returned to the counter and proceeded to tell me that the bag was fake, and worth about $50 dollars. I was so angry.

I called my best friend and told her that the bag was fake and that she might have been swindled. Knowing full well that she wasn’t, she pretended to be shocked. How do I know she’s pretending? Her sister told me.

We have tried to continue our friendship, but she has said nothing about the fake bag she gave me and has stopped wearing the Chanel earrings I gave her. We still laugh and joke and have a good time together, but for me there is a giant elephant in the room. I never got an apology. I still love her but I still feel resentment. Not to mention, I feel she owes me $300. What should I do?

Cinderella

Dear Cinderella,

I guess my biggest shock is that her very own sister dimed her out. OK, I dated myself with that one, so let me rephrase that. The snitch was her own sister? “Holy no she didn’t, Batman!”

That alone tells me your friend could be going through some things in her life she has chosen not to share with you. Or maybe she just couldn’t bring herself to tell you she didn’t have that kind of cash to lay down on a birthday gift.

Clearly, this is an important person in your life, since you’re still friends even after this huge betrayal. So before I give my advice, let me ask you this: who in this life hasn’t made a mistake? The fact that she’s not sporting those Chanel earrings is punishment enough. I know I’d be crying on the bathroom floor about it.

A real solution would be to just swap the bag for the earrings. So, if you’re ever able to talk about it, that’s my suggestion.

Listen girl; try to be understanding. Sometimes people haven’t apologized because they’re ashamed. Sometimes they haven’t apologized because they don’t feel they’ve done anything wrong. Plain and simple.

If you love her friendship, don’t let silly things like money ruin it. Move forward. Forgive her anyway. Sometimes you have to be OK with an “I’m sorry” you never got.

____________________

Dear O,

I caught my fiancé cheating so, needless to say, the wedding is off. He gave me a huge diamond engagement ring and all my friends say I should keep it. What do you think?

Jilted

Dear Jilted,

First let me express my sympathy. I’m sure this whole thing has been very painful. Let’s put aside the legal implications of the ring possession. The No. 1 thing to focus on is getting the life lesson.

No, the lesson is not “he’s a jerk.” That’s a character assassination that protects your ability to feel justified for keeping that ring. Plus, it increases the odds that you’ll miss what you needed to learn, so you’ll be right back in the same place again, only with someone else.

So, I would suggest there’s an even better question to ask in order to begin the healing. Who you are committed to being in this life? In other words, if you could look back on this situation 10 years from now, will you be proud of how you handled it? It’s a very empowering moment, if you think about it.

My advice is to give the rock back without saying a word. You don’t want him or his ring.

ALWAYS………..O