I think I saw my friend’s dad out with another woman. He didn’t see me but I clearly saw him doing a whole lot of flirting, kissing and clutching with this lady. H even had his hand on the small of her back. Should I tell my friend? We have been as close as sisters for years.
In a word, NO! Stay out of grown people’s lives or, as my mother used to say, stay out of grown folks’ business.
Listen, from time to time we find ourselves in the middle of some very uncomfortable situations. It’s natural to want to blurt out what we really feel or, in your case, what we may have seen but, darling, sometimes people just need to mind their own business.
You have two choices: Say nothing to anyone because this is not your business. Or tell your girlfriend what you saw and run the risk of very possibility being called a liar. And even more important, you risk losing your friend.
Besides, what exactly would you tell her anyway? You THINK you saw her father kissing another woman and touching her in way that you THINK was more than friendly, and you THINK this is something your friend’s mother doesn’t know about and might not be OK with?
What is the best possible outcome in your mind here? You tell your friend, she tells her mom, who then confronts her dad. They have a meaningful discussion about their marriage, misconceptions are aired and resolved, recommitments are made and everyone lives happily ever after and you have saved the day! Holy delusional, Batman!
This will happen only in the land of Peter Pan and the Easter Bunny. This whole situation will flop as bad as a sequel to “Soul Plane.”
My point here is that you have no idea what is going on in anyone’s marriage. They could be separated and have decided to see other people. Maybe they have an open marriage where having a chick on the side is part of the agreement. That does happen, you know.
And at the end of the day, this situation isn’t really about them. It’s about you. You’re standing there watching this man flirt and you’re thinking about how horrible you would feel if someone was cheating on you, and no one told you. You are transferring your own fears, indignation and concerns onto this situation and, on some level, I really do understand.
Yes, no one wants to be taken advantage of. I get that. So let’s just for argument’s sake consider what would happen if you do tell.
Well, let me tell you that even if things are not going so well in this marriage and because of your meddling it ends, do you know who your friend and her mother will blame for its demise forever and a day? You guessed it … T0hat person would be you.
Even if leaving her husband was the best decision she could have made for her and her kids, when she is missing all the good times she and her husband shared she will again blame you, and so will your friend, her daughter.
Baby girl, sometimes infidelity is a cry for help. If this man is acting inappropriately in such a public way he may be hoping to get caught. But not by YOU!
My advice: even if your friend calls crying and vomiting and complaining about her father, SHUT UP and just listen. You can sympathize, you can empathize; but under no circumstances should you tell her what you saw. Anything that happens in a married couple’s relationship should be their decision.
You might be thinking Al Green “Let’s Stay Together,” but her mom could be thinking grits!
Here’s the bottom line: People are accountable for what they do. If you share this with anyone, you run the risk of being driven out of town by a bunch of angry villagers carrying torches.
Another word to the wise is that I sincerely hope you have not shared this information with anyone else. Because – real talk – if you told a single soul about this, you could wind up reading about it on a Facebook page, with the gossip trail leading directly to you. Say nothing. Just show love to your dear friend.
-J. Geils Band
Did you ever tell what you saw and regret it? Write me firstname.lastname@example.org.