O’s Commentary: August 2016

O. Morris - O's CommentaryChances are…

If a woman gives you a chance at love and you completely mess it up, do you think you deserve a second chance? I say “deserve” as in you believe in the whole “everyone’s human” and “everyone makes mistakes” theory. Well, sorry, fellas, but I respectfully have to disagree. As a matter of fact, please miss me with that nonsense.

Times have definitely changed, but I don’t think when it comes to romance things have necessarily changed for the better. I know I’ll have my critics who differ, but before you burn my column in protest, at least hear me out.

In my opinion, when it comes to dating, there’s no such thing as “deserving” a second chance. Now, you might be worth a second chance, and that’s great, but you don’t deserve anything.

You see, the second chance means you’ve addressed whatever you’ve done wrong and you’re not going to do it again. It means you’ve seen the error of your ways and have apologized. Doing that just makes you ready for consideration. This is not to be confused with entitled.

Imagine if the situation were reversed, a woman saying she deserves a second chance for cheating. A man would never accept that. Do you know why not? Well, there’s a huge double standard: Women are NEVER supposed to mess up, but men are expected to.

The fact is the moment you do somebody wrong, misrepresent your situation or just plain lie, then tell her you deserve a second chance, you totally disregard what effects your actions may have had on that person. How can the heart heal by when it’s put back into the hands that broke it?

I know this can be a hard pill to swallow, but some people can stay in your heart but not in your life. You can’t expect loyalty if you can’t provide honesty.

While I agree that we are all human, and we do all make mistakes. I also recognize that because we’re human, we don’t always heal from the mistakes people make against us. You can’t consciously damage someone permanently and then tell them you deserve a second chance to do it again.

Listen, a man will stop going to his barber for messing up his haircut, and that damage lasts only a couple of weeks. But if a woman gives you her heart and you break it, that could take years – even decades – to heal. Do you honestly think she should give you another crack at it?

Be serious. If men stopped conducting themselves like they deserve a second chance, and starting behaving like the first one is the only one, you wouldn’t need a second chance to begin with.

So if you’ve broken a girl’s heart and now she wants nothing to do with you, I’m going to suggest what you should do:

Let her go.

Don’t ask for another chance, especially if she’s already given you more than you deserve.

If you’ve totally messed up and you know it, learn from your mistakes and move on. Don’t send her random text messages. Don’t ask her out on picnics or ask if you can take her out for coffee. Don’t run into her parents and ask them to plead your case. You aren’t fooling anyone. They know you’re just looking for a foot in the door. Besides, they were your age once, and they already know the game you’re playing. Just stop it. Sit down!

If you really loved her like you say you still do, but your actions didn’t, then love her from a distance. Safely away from you. Because, contrary to popular belief, breaking a woman’s heart is not the cruelest thing you can do to her. It’s refusing to let her move on after you’ve done it.

Face it, if you’re on your fourth or fifth failed chance at love, there’s a pretty good chance you have no idea what true love is anyway. Maybe you should spend more time looking inward.

Men, you know I love you, but if you still think you have a second chance with a woman you weren’t honest with, I sincerely suggest you pump the brakes. Deal with your issues. If you can’t be the person a woman needs, don’t pretend you can.

The truth sometimes hurts, and I’m totally sympathetic to your plight. I feel your pain. You had the attention of the prettiest, coolest girl in the room, you blew it and now she’s gone. I know it’s a hard pill to swallow. You just don’t want to look stupid, but if you continue to think you have another shot at a lady you’ve hurt, trust me…you already do.

All my best.

O