O’s Commentary – March 2016

O. Morris - O's CommentaryTalk to Him

By O Morris

Dear O,

My husband’s “Secret Santa” at work turned out to be one of his female co-workers known for her sense of humor. During the office holiday party, she gave him a pair of lime green footie pajamas as a gag gift. Initially it was very funny. He even put them on at work over his suit to show he was a good sport.

But now he has taken this gift past the funny joke that it was. On the contrary, he has become totally obsessed with them. Every time I protest, he laughs and says I making too much out it. I don’t agree because the man is 6 feet, 5 inches and weighs way over 275 pounds. And take it from me: He looks totally ridiculous in them.

In case you don’t understand, they are exactly like a baby’s onesie, complete with the feet and a trap door in the back. To say my spouse is fanatical about them is really an understatement, and I’ll tell you why. He wears them to sleep, he wears them around the house and he even wears them to go out and get the mail. I cringe every time I see him headed toward the front door because three days ago he opened it and bought Girl Scout cookies while wearing them. It’s totally embarrassing, and frankly I’m sick of it. What on earth can I do?

Humiliated

 

Dear Humiliated,

He opened the door to a bunch of Girl Scouts? Holy Awkward Batman! First, let me tell you I really feel your pain. You’re not the first wife with a husband who has taken a joke way too far. Too bad she didn’t just buy him cold sore relief medication, hemorrhoid salve, wart-be-gone or lice powder.

But not to worry because actually this is problem easily solved, I promise you.  Take it from one who has done it a million times, albeit not intentionally.

Just wash those crazy pajamas in hot water twice, then stick them in the dryer on the hottest setting. Girl, that cheap lime green material they’re made of will shrink down so small, only one of those Munchkins from The Wizard of Oz will be able to wear them.

 

Dear O,

I’m the mother of two wonderful children. After being together for over 40 years, my now ex-husband left me for another woman. He then married that woman one day after our divorce was final.

Now I have to see this homewrecker all the time at family events, our children’s school programs and even at our church. To make matters even worse, every single time I see her, she wants to hug me! You know, like we’re best girlfriends. Believe me, I absolutely don’t want to do that. I find this whole notion extremely upsetting, and to be honest, I don’t want to be anywhere near this woman. My question to you is this: How do I stop her?

Calling Jerry Springer

 

Dear Calling,

Oh, my! I have to say I don’t blame you for being upset. This woman really has a lot of nerve. Her embracing you is more than over the top; it’s shameful. But losing your cool is not the way to go. As a matter of fact, in my opinion, that might be the real reason for her unwanted affection. Don’t take the bait. It will only result in your being further hurt by these very uncomfortable circumstances.

Personally, I think your solution lies with your ex-husband. He’s the one who bought this person into your life in the first place. TALK TO HIM. Let him know you’ll be cordial to his new wife for the sake of your children. But the hugging has got to stop.

 

Dear O,

I’ve been divorced for five years. I moved back in with my mother, who, by the way, refuses to accept any rent money from me. That is a really good situation because it has allowed me to save a great deal. But I think my current living situation is starting to affect my dating life. Do you think my good thing with my mother should come to an end?

Saving

 

Dear Saving,

Of course living with your mother is affecting your dating life. I realize having her company after going through a divorce was very soothing, but five years have passed. Don’t you want that bachelorette pad? Don’t you want to live your life without your mother watching? Girl, move out and live!

Do you have a problem? Would you like some advice? Write to me at O.Morris@rolesvillebuzz.com, and I will do my very best to help.