O’s Commentary – May 2016

May 2016

Just Friends … A Mistaken Identity

I love having lunch with my best friend. We can talk for hours about everything under the sun and never tire of each other’s company. As we laughed over tapas, we were  joined by her very grown, very handsome son. This Nubian heartthrob is college-educated, hardworking and completely self-sufficient.

O. Morris - O's CommentaryAs the conversation flowed with the additional diner at our table, I was floored when he explained that though he’d love to be married, he isn’t because there are no good women out there.

What! Wait a minute. Isn’t that the other way around?

To say I was stunned would be putting it mildly, so I decided to probe his mind a bit. “Do you have any female friends?” I asked. To which he answered a curious “Yes!”

After listening to the rather long list of women he adored but could see only as a friends, I came to an abrupt conclusion. The future wife he was looking for was right in front of his face, simply classified wrong.

His face lit up when he spoke of the first girl. In fact, he confessed he loved spending time with her but admitted he didn’t see her as a mate because he categorized her as the Plain Jane.

Men, please let me as a female shed some light. I understand that in a room full of ladies in skintight skirts, way too much lipstick and cleavage up to the chin line, this so called Plain Jane is easy to put in the friend zone. It’s a mistake. You see, she wears little to no makeup not because there’s anything wrong with that, but honestly she needs that extra 30 minutes to sleep because she’s up all morning and most of the day working AND taking courses in the evening at the local university.

Since this type of woman takes her career seriously, she doesn’t have time to slap on gobs of makeup and spend four nights a week in the club. A lot of guys will mistake this for boring when in reality she’s just focused.

The Plain Jane today is the Paid Jane tomorrow because right from the beginning she has been grinding while the other ladies were just dressing up to look pretty. Pretense is their game. Fellas, listen, you can’t mingle with gold-diggers and talk about how women are so expensive yet overlook the women who are working hard, getting their own and will probably have more than you one day.

The next lady he lovingly spoke of was classified as the Good Girl. The one who considers her body a temple. He said he actually loved her but she was “lame.”

Lame! Excuse me.

Oh, let me get this straight, you’re mad because she’s owning herself and waiting for someone special. Well, it’s my educated guess she’s doing that because she IS special. What’s even crazier is he said she was a beautiful girl, had great character and was fun to be with.

OK, if you had a suitcase full of scrap paper and someone wanted to open it, put their hand in and get some, you would let them, right? Why not? After all it’s just scrap paper.

But if you had a suitcase with a million dollars and someone wanted some, you’d probably be like, wait … where did you come from? Why should I trust you, and why do you think you deserve my money?

Well, the Good Girl feels the same way. She’s not going to give her million dollars away just because you winked at her and told her she was pretty. You have to earn that privilege.

Last but not least, this young man beamed when he spoke about a lady he pigeonholed as the Big Girl. Yet he lit up like a Christmas tree as he said her name. Listen, guys, every man has loved a Big Girl. I mean, look at your grandmother or your great aunt. I bet you’ve got a least one that is about 225 pounds or better. That’s because Grandpa loved her and knew how to choose a wife. Then the media came along and told us big wasn’t the definition of beautiful, and like fools we believed them. But now even THEY are waking up. Look at the Sports Illustrated’s first plus-sized cover models. Hey, big girls are coming back in style. Better get you one before they’re all gone.

My point is, guys, don’t be blind. A woman should be your friend long before you think of making her your wife. If you have a girl like this in your life, you might want to ask her out. Your future bride is probably already in your life. You just can’t see the forest for the trees.


All my best … O Morris