O’s Commentary – September 2015

O. Morris - O's CommentaryWhen In Doubt, You Matter Most

By O Morris • o.morris@rolesvillebuzz.com

Dear O,

Four months ago one of my girlfriends introduced me to one of her male co-workers. They are just business associates and not romantically involved in any way. The guy and I had an instant attraction to each other, so he asked me for my phone number. I was more than happy to give it to him, and we started texting each other almost immediately. Now that we are dating and really getting along well, my girlfriend acts like she doesn’t approve. How I can make her more supportive of the relationship? ~ Dating in Wake Forest

Dear Dating,

It would be easier for me to tell you where Bigfoot is hiding. I’m serious. It’s beyond me why women hate on other women when they find happiness with a man, especially when they themselves appear to have no interest in them.

Look, she introduced you two, probably not realizing that this introduction could lead to a relationship. If she is currently single, you’re dealing with the age-old problem of jealousy. The real truth is you can’t make her accept it, plain and simple.

You could, however, be brave enough to start a conversation with her – especially if you truly value her friendship – but there’s no guarantee you will get anywhere. The bottom line is your romantic relationship is your business. If you really want to live your life to the fullest, you must be willing to make some people mad.

 

Dear O,

My friend of 20 years wants me to do her a favor and watch her kids while she goes on a cruise. The kids are 13 and 15, and the cruise is for 16 days. My husband and I are child-free by choice, but we do tend to get along with teenagers. So while it would be odd to have my friend’s kids around, it wouldn’t be a total imposition because of their ages. That, however, is not my biggest concern. You see, we are on a very limited budget and think this could be very expensive when you consider meals, laundry and carting the kids to all the practices and activities they engage in. I want to be a good friend, but I’m not so sure I want to do this. What do you think? ~ Sleepless

Dear Sleepless,

How sweet of you and your husband to even consider taking on the kids of your longtime friend. She must really value you as human beings to leave her most prized possessions in your care for such an extended amount of time. But I must advise you to pump the brakes.

In my opinion, doing a favor is picking up someone’s mail while they’re away. Taking care of two kids for more than two weeks is much more than that, I assure you. Yes! You’re right; it’s going to be expensive because kids cost. You’ll be running the dishwasher daily instead of twice a week. You will be doing three times as much laundry and having more people shower.

When you really think about it, the list of extra costs is endless. Even if you feed them those dreaded toaster strudel pastries for breakfast and nitrate-filled cold cuts for lunch, you’ll still be coming out of pocket a lot.

So what do I really think? Well, I think your friend should have included how much money she was going to give you. People who say money between friends is nothing generally have a lot of it. For the rest of the non-fabulously-wealthy world, money matters. If dollars have not been spoken about, then you will probably be expected to absorb the cost.

Keep in mind, these are not kids. Never assume you can get along with teenagers. You could be in for a real shock when a disagreement breaks out and you still have 14 days left. Listen, parents of minor children rarely have the luxury of leaving them with anyone for more than two weeks.

While I do understand your friend wanting to take a long vacation, I question her ability to do that without putting someone else in a very awkward position, especially if the kids need to be disciplined. That someone being YOU.

Don’t be pressured into doing things you’re uncomfortable with for friends. It’s easy for people to make their problems and concerns yours when they really aren’t. This whole situation appears to be a bit more than you can handle. If there was ever a time to be honest with your friend and tell her how both you and your husband really feel, it’s now. Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it’ll always get you the right ones.

ALWAYS……………O