O’s Commentary – September 2016

O. Morris - O's Commentary“Nosey Rosy” Needs to Back Off

Dear O,

I have a really annoying coworker who is becoming increasingly intrusive. She is always asking questions about my personal life that, quite honestly, I don’t feel comfortable telling work associates.

She recently asked me how much I pay for the clothes I wear, but that’s not the worst. She Googled my house, street view, to see what my home looked like. I know because she pulled it up on the office computer screen, called me over and said, “Is this where you live?” OMG, it really creeped me out!

I want to know how to tell her to back off without it becoming the subject of office gossip.

Tricia

 

Dear Tricia,

What! Holy Invasion of Privacy, Batman! I guess I could state the obvious, but calling her a “Nosey Rosy” will most certainly not get you the result it appears you want. While I will admit I love a good snide remark, I’ve found that the best way to avoid a nosey question is to ask one right back. So when she asks a pushy question, simply say: “Why do you ask?”

Most people won’t admit that the reason they’re asking is because they’re snooping in your business, so they’ll drop it. If they say something judgmental or intrusive, just give them a surprised look and say, “Wow!”  “Wow” has enormous power. It’s polite but still puts people in their place.

Or you can treat her to lunch and sincerely tell her verbally to back off. Tell her you like to keep a business persona in the office. Inform her that you like to mind your own business and hope others will do the same.

Now, listen, I’m not saying she won’t still be nosey because anyone who has the gall to Google your house probably will be. But at least she’ll know how you feel about it.

Good luck!

 

Dear O,

I have a lovely neighbor. She has been a great friend and has been there for me when I needed advice or just someone to listen to me vent. Her long-term relationship ended, and after a brief period of being sad, she started to date someone new.

It was good to see her happy again, but it did come at a cost. Our friendship began to suffer because she now spends every waking moment with her new beau. Understandable at first. The relationship was new and exciting. I get it. But that didn’t wear off. When it finally did, we had lost so much time together that I made a new friend.

Is it wrong that I no longer feel safe having her as a friend because she’ll drop me like a hot potato when the next man comes along?

Fed Up

 

Dear Fed Up,

No, I don’t think you are, and I’ll tell you why. With technology today, it’s easy to keep up with any friend through text messaging. I have dear friends who I love even though I rarely see them. But when something is going on in my life or in the world, my girls and I hit the phone and start texting. We laugh and catch up in no time, and trust me, we still feel a very heartfelt connection.

There is absolutely no reason not to maintain a great friendship just because you have a new man, lover, soulmate or whatever term of affection you ascribe to. Your friends are not there just for your convenience to be tossed aside when you have someone new in your life. You have to have respect for people who were there for you when you needed them.

So if you’ve lost that loving feeling for your old friend, it’s her fault, not yours.

 

Dear O,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for six years. His daughter lives with him. She’s 22, doesn’t help with the rent and really doesn’t make enough money to live on her own. At least not in the style that she’s living now.

How can I get my boyfriend to convince her to get her own apartment?

Candy

 

Dear Candy,

This man has been your boyfriend for six years, but he has been her father for all of her life. If he’s not complaining about his living situation, why are you?

Frankly, I think you should stay out of her business.

Besides, I don’t think you’re looking at the big picture here. Any man who would run his daughter off because of you, but he hasn’t given you a ring and set a date for the wedding, has a serious character flaw. Why, after six years of investing the best years of your life, are you still only the girlfriend? In my humble opinion, you should be more concerned about that.

All my best,

O

Do you have a problem? Would you like some advice? Write to me at O.Morris@rolesvillebuzz.com, and I will do my very best to help.